ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
