these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
