you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Damn victory sex feels great
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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