My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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