Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
