Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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