is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize