Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Randomize
