Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
