Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
