Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
