I'm gonna have a badass scar
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My Sexting was not on an AP level
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
