he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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