dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
