apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
