I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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