Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
