I wanna passion pit in your ass
barbara walters just said penis...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
