got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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