Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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