Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
