My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
