He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
