i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
