hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
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