God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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