I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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