In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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