His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
