I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
