This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
