is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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