Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
