i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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