So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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