Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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