i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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