it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
