peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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