you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
