Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
