Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
