omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
