that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
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