She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
My cat gives me a boner
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
