i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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