I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize