I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I look better un-naked...
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
