Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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