Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
