In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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