Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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