Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Randomize
