I puked a lego.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
