You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
