My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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