i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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