Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
