He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize