So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
