so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
