is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
