im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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