my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
