you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
