i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize