Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
