No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
