Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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