I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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