She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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