He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
