Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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