Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
