So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
