Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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