im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
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