In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
