The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
No subtext here. People are naked.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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