i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
