I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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