I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
