i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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