There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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