Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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