He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize
