Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
