the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize