When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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