its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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