all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
