Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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