bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I didn't notice because vodka
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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