Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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