it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
