Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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