Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
