When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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